Confessions of an unfaithful heart

An ode to Love and pain
Many a times i start peeking into my soul and start searching the answer of my yet to be unanswered question: she is . . .mind achingly beautiful ...but I was heartbreakingly cruel.why . . . ?
I am neither a poet nor trying to be one nor I am trying to imitate the legendry John Keats. I am just penning down my emotions and my thinkings about love. It's really difficult to love someone and to get her love back but its painful to love someone,get her love and than leaving her just for the sake of nothing as if not a big deal. While this article is not a story untold but rather the words of my guilty conscience . The pain me suffering with every passing moment and the pain I am giving someone. Today is the day when i sud mourn or rather celebrate my third anniversary. But ...b...u...t...but there is no one here to celebrate wid me.. i feel like lone tresspasser in this majestic road without ne hope of being believed or loved in near future. Its said that sometimes it takes just a moment to change ur life and I still remember the day, 1st of feb, 2003,a chilly saturday evening when i first saw her and fell in love at the very first sight. She was quite friendly so it took me no time to befriend her. Soon we had turned into gud friends but still i was unsure abt my relationship wid her apart from being her gud friend. I was undecided whether it was love or infatuation or crush just normal feelings that are arounsed when u come across someone of ur opposite sex. But finally after quite some days it took me 7 months and 12 days and 2 shots of vodka to express my feelings. I didnt had the courage to say that directly so i think that day it was not me but the vodka inside me that was making all the talk all the way long. She didn't say much, not even a word excepting asking her leave. When i woke up the next morning i was having too much of this stupid guilty sense in me and i was thinking of asking her sorry for my misdeeds but now i know that was lovely blessing in disguise. She said yes to me and that was the happiest day in my life (sept 14th) and soon i started courting her . But destiny had some other things in HER mind and soon we were at crossroads . I wasn't able to give her time she owed and i know not what happened to me those days but I was distracted from every things that I loved and soon the time when her marriage was fixed . She was courageous to rebel against her parent's decision but i was not having guts that time to take ne responsibility. So I made her to promise to go by her parents wishes and finally she got married last year. But now when i think of those days when we were togather , those scenes of the past keeps haunting me creating an immense pain in my heart. Those were the moments i wud always cherish but now when u are gone i realise how much i was in love but things done can't be undone so i wish u all the luck for ur married life. And one thing i wud like to convey.. if u ever happen to read this blog , than u will know that i will never stop loving u though i am at odds my love for u will never cease. That's the last thing i wud like to convey u.
U came to my life as an early dusk but i made ur life miserable but before the sun is set for me ,if there is nething i can do than feel free to tell me . ANd if possible baby please forgive me for the injustice i had done with u but i can't stop loving u . And even ur memoirs make me remember they way i ditched u which i know now was a great mistake...err..was a great blunder. But no more such mistakes . I wud stop remembering u as u were .Wud remove every bloody trail from my life which are connected to u in neway. That's where my salvation lies.

(Me in a nostalgic as well as guilty mood. I know not what i am writing but these are my confessions that i wud like to make so as to make peace with my ownself, whom i can't see eye to eye facing a mirror ,as well as wid my god ,infront whom i feel ashamed . Hope this confession will lead me to my goal of attaining abstract peace.)
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When a man meets the woman he loves, everything changes. His heart races, his head spins, and suddenly all the dozens and dozens of women he's sleeping with no longer matter. A few years ago, I found the woman I love, and I've put some of my feelings into this little ode.

Every man needs a woman, and I need you --
to lift me when I am sad,
to comfort me when I am down,
to clean me when I am drunk,
to walk beside me when I want to look like I'm not gay,
to walk in front of me when I need someone to act as a human windbreak,
to kiss me when I am horny,
to massage me when I am tense and/or horny,
to make me horny when I am not horny, and then to watch me fall asleep.

I need you darling to clean between my toes when they are not cleaned to my satisfaction,
to pick the nits out of my hair when I have head lice,
to try milk for me when I am not sure of the expiration date,
to be there when I need you to be there, and to be out of town the rest of the time.

My darling, although it may seem sentimental, I want to take this moment to tell you I love you -- because I don't want to lose half my stuff. And even though you are far away across the ocean, I always have this [pointing to ring finger where there is no wedding ring] to remind me --[realizes the ring is not there] sorry [and hides hand].

Bye Bye, my love.
###(courtesy:Steve Martin)