What has been the change lately.

Duh, I dunno but I am in a tussle between my heart and my mind. This is a long long time since I last blogged, more than 2 yrs when I had got nothing to work on and was practically being paid for doing nothing. But then time flew by as if I just woke up after a long sleep. It appeared like I had retreated into a cocoon, with all my illusions just wound up around myself. It had been quite symbiotic relationship that I always shared with my intellect and my illusions and somewhere there was always a thin line between the two, I might have crossed those realms time and again. And then when I thought of inhibiting my shell and come out of the cocoon I realized I have missed 2 yrs of my life working on something that never gave me the pleasure but the money, never gave me the satisfaction but the company.

I had questioned myself time and again, why I haven't blogged in the last two years, I try to peek into myself to find an answer for the same but always got a shallow one which is harder even for me to comprehend. Lately I have realized some kind of metamorphosis in myself, as if a caterpillar went into its cocoon and came out as a butterfly, as if a tadpole has turned to a live toad. But it is unlikely to have all those changes to be shed so early and to get rid of the free thought.

Life is not what it used to be, but I am lost in my memories. Thus the thinking prevails, keeping me in sails. I wish I had the wings of a dove and speed of the light, to fly back to the time when things were so innocent and so pure and serene, but ... I just wish.

As days go by making me older with passing times,
I just want to do small rhyme,
Wish I had been a chime,
and to fly by the dime.

But people are changing,
With faith just hopping,
no love in sight,
how try I might.

I wanted to be true to myself,
in hope of getting something back,
waiting by the lake,
And you never came back.

As the times dive abide,
I find myself on my bedside,
Waking myself from the dream I had,
realized I have changed nothing I had.

I know that was just a bad attempt at rhyming, but never thought of quitting. If you get the meaning, you know where to do the talking.