Thoughts!!

Had been thinking about this for a long long time. Is everything actually destined ? Or that's our of covering up failures.

On any given day, what is my routine? I play MW till late in the night, go office, work there, nag a lot, do socializing, get back to do work and then back to home then crib again. Why am I like that ? Was that destined? I look above for the answers but even HE is puzzled. I think I do all those things as I like a bit of attention and I love doing these. So does interest/choice takes the driving seat with destiny in the back seat ?

In the last three years, I have worked on four different technologies, it is hard to accommodate all these changes in a short span of time, I learnt all of those but it converted me to a li'l nagging creature. Was that destined ? No. That's my failure at adapting to changes.

Lately have been doing lot of activities on the personal front and professional front as well which gets me appreciation but still I am not at peace with inner self. So all these achievements never makes me happy, its more like a stat then like anything else. With each appreciation rolling, it makes me more shallow from the inner side. I am yet to get result of my KARMA. Every passing day, my soul feels like hallow. Its growing like shadow under the sun which eventually vanishes.
Its like I am running behind a mirage which never existed and for what reason. To be in sync with my Soul. To average out my outgoing mentality and my hallow soul. But the more I try, the more restless I become. Was that destined ? I don't think so.

Lately, I have realized the age old saying that's simple but so true "As you sow, so shall you reap". There's two sides of everything, one positive and one negative. Most people tend to see the neutral side by averaging both of these but that's not how Karma works. It says to ignore the negative things, they will always be there. Allay your fears, take a step forward and accept all the positive things as positivity is in the nature. Positivity is in humanity. Positivity is in mentality.

Destiny is nothing but belief. The successful man is the man who tries, but not destined.

I been walking walking in circles, watching waiting for something but that something is inside me. I have to feel it, touch it to make things happen. Negativity is like a cancer, if not cured in earlier preemptive stages, its going to be a burden.

" Delineate the concepts of action with detachment and renunciation in actions, both are a means to the same goal. Salvation is attained by the pursuance of these paths." - Lord Krishna

What has been the change lately.

Duh, I dunno but I am in a tussle between my heart and my mind. This is a long long time since I last blogged, more than 2 yrs when I had got nothing to work on and was practically being paid for doing nothing. But then time flew by as if I just woke up after a long sleep. It appeared like I had retreated into a cocoon, with all my illusions just wound up around myself. It had been quite symbiotic relationship that I always shared with my intellect and my illusions and somewhere there was always a thin line between the two, I might have crossed those realms time and again. And then when I thought of inhibiting my shell and come out of the cocoon I realized I have missed 2 yrs of my life working on something that never gave me the pleasure but the money, never gave me the satisfaction but the company.

I had questioned myself time and again, why I haven't blogged in the last two years, I try to peek into myself to find an answer for the same but always got a shallow one which is harder even for me to comprehend. Lately I have realized some kind of metamorphosis in myself, as if a caterpillar went into its cocoon and came out as a butterfly, as if a tadpole has turned to a live toad. But it is unlikely to have all those changes to be shed so early and to get rid of the free thought.

Life is not what it used to be, but I am lost in my memories. Thus the thinking prevails, keeping me in sails. I wish I had the wings of a dove and speed of the light, to fly back to the time when things were so innocent and so pure and serene, but ... I just wish.

As days go by making me older with passing times,
I just want to do small rhyme,
Wish I had been a chime,
and to fly by the dime.

But people are changing,
With faith just hopping,
no love in sight,
how try I might.

I wanted to be true to myself,
in hope of getting something back,
waiting by the lake,
And you never came back.

As the times dive abide,
I find myself on my bedside,
Waking myself from the dream I had,
realized I have changed nothing I had.

I know that was just a bad attempt at rhyming, but never thought of quitting. If you get the meaning, you know where to do the talking.