Had been thinking about this for a long long time. Is everything actually destined ? Or that's our of covering up failures.
On any given day, what is my routine? I play MW till late in the night, go office, work there, nag a lot, do socializing, get back to do work and then back to home then crib again. Why am I like that ? Was that destined? I look above for the answers but even HE is puzzled. I think I do all those things as I like a bit of attention and I love doing these. So does interest/choice takes the driving seat with destiny in the back seat ?
In the last three years, I have worked on four different technologies, it is hard to accommodate all these changes in a short span of time, I learnt all of those but it converted me to a li'l nagging creature. Was that destined ? No. That's my failure at adapting to changes.
Lately have been doing lot of activities on the personal front and professional front as well which gets me appreciation but still I am not at peace with inner self. So all these achievements never makes me happy, its more like a stat then like anything else. With each appreciation rolling, it makes me more shallow from the inner side. I am yet to get result of my KARMA. Every passing day, my soul feels like hallow. Its growing like shadow under the sun which eventually vanishes.
Its like I am running behind a mirage which never existed and for what reason. To be in sync with my Soul. To average out my outgoing mentality and my hallow soul. But the more I try, the more restless I become. Was that destined ? I don't think so.
Lately, I have realized the age old saying that's simple but so true "As you sow, so shall you reap". There's two sides of everything, one positive and one negative. Most people tend to see the neutral side by averaging both of these but that's not how Karma works. It says to ignore the negative things, they will always be there. Allay your fears, take a step forward and accept all the positive things as positivity is in the nature. Positivity is in humanity. Positivity is in mentality.
Destiny is nothing but belief. The successful man is the man who tries, but not destined.
I been walking walking in circles, watching waiting for something but that something is inside me. I have to feel it, touch it to make things happen. Negativity is like a cancer, if not cured in earlier preemptive stages, its going to be a burden.
" Delineate the concepts of action with detachment and renunciation in actions, both are a means to the same goal. Salvation is attained by the pursuance of these paths." - Lord Krishna
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
What has been the change lately.
Duh, I dunno but I am in a tussle between my heart and my mind. This is a long long time since I last blogged, more than 2 yrs when I had got nothing to work on and was practically being paid for doing nothing. But then time flew by as if I just woke up after a long sleep. It appeared like I had retreated into a cocoon, with all my illusions just wound up around myself. It had been quite symbiotic relationship that I always shared with my intellect and my illusions and somewhere there was always a thin line between the two, I might have crossed those realms time and again. And then when I thought of inhibiting my shell and come out of the cocoon I realized I have missed 2 yrs of my life working on something that never gave me the pleasure but the money, never gave me the satisfaction but the company.
I had questioned myself time and again, why I haven't blogged in the last two years, I try to peek into myself to find an answer for the same but always got a shallow one which is harder even for me to comprehend. Lately I have realized some kind of metamorphosis in myself, as if a caterpillar went into its cocoon and came out as a butterfly, as if a tadpole has turned to a live toad. But it is unlikely to have all those changes to be shed so early and to get rid of the free thought.
Life is not what it used to be, but I am lost in my memories. Thus the thinking prevails, keeping me in sails. I wish I had the wings of a dove and speed of the light, to fly back to the time when things were so innocent and so pure and serene, but ... I just wish.
As days go by making me older with passing times,
I just want to do small rhyme,
Wish I had been a chime,
and to fly by the dime.
But people are changing,
With faith just hopping,
no love in sight,
how try I might.
I wanted to be true to myself,
in hope of getting something back,
waiting by the lake,
And you never came back.
As the times dive abide,
I find myself on my bedside,
Waking myself from the dream I had,
realized I have changed nothing I had.
I know that was just a bad attempt at rhyming, but never thought of quitting. If you get the meaning, you know where to do the talking.
I had questioned myself time and again, why I haven't blogged in the last two years, I try to peek into myself to find an answer for the same but always got a shallow one which is harder even for me to comprehend. Lately I have realized some kind of metamorphosis in myself, as if a caterpillar went into its cocoon and came out as a butterfly, as if a tadpole has turned to a live toad. But it is unlikely to have all those changes to be shed so early and to get rid of the free thought.
Life is not what it used to be, but I am lost in my memories. Thus the thinking prevails, keeping me in sails. I wish I had the wings of a dove and speed of the light, to fly back to the time when things were so innocent and so pure and serene, but ... I just wish.
As days go by making me older with passing times,
I just want to do small rhyme,
Wish I had been a chime,
and to fly by the dime.
But people are changing,
With faith just hopping,
no love in sight,
how try I might.
I wanted to be true to myself,
in hope of getting something back,
waiting by the lake,
And you never came back.
As the times dive abide,
I find myself on my bedside,
Waking myself from the dream I had,
realized I have changed nothing I had.
I know that was just a bad attempt at rhyming, but never thought of quitting. If you get the meaning, you know where to do the talking.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Life is a bit**
I always thought that life is a bitch and I am the luckiest dog around but it was such false assumption. How I discovered that I was wrong is another mystery :( . People have fateful days as well as unfateful events. Everything is a preplanned act, with Almighty being the director. I was always an atheist but this place made me something else which I never wanted. Things always worked against me and I never protested,but this time I protested, Yes I protested but I had some unexpected friends on my nemesis list. So here I stand today as a loser, yes gracefully I admit I am a big time loser. I would have survived if I had been even shown the door which I could have accepted but moving out to a support team that too not of my domain and without even asking me once,that was like a big jolt which I never accepted.
Its true that everything is destined and rite now I am having a bad day with my destiny. Lets say it the other way round my destiny is having a play off with me and I am losing badly.
Its true that everything is destined and rite now I am having a bad day with my destiny. Lets say it the other way round my destiny is having a play off with me and I am losing badly.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Will I ever learn?
That was the biggest and the toughest question for which I have no answers. Will I ever learn to do the things they ought to be done. I set big targets,I see big dreams. Everyone does but I don't think there would be one freak like me who sets targets and dreams just for the sake of others to see but never had even tried an ounce to do the same.
As usual reached office at 12.15, took a print out of my goals that I had set, of the things I gotta do before 12th oct,2008... the day I would be putting my resignation papers down at my present office. I had always thought of the pros and cons but I never consider myself of having any market value with my present knowledge base. After reaching office I started reading PHP 5.X but just covering one article I started playing solitaire. It sucks big time but even that's a solace for me at the office to pass the bugging 8 hours .I was also listening to the songs of swadesh and suddenly the music player started playing "Pal Pal hai bhari". I was hearing that song after a long period but never ever thot of the meaning the song wanted to lay. And after hearing it for 9-10 times that if I want my dreams to come true than I am the only person responsible for it making them true. I just can't set my targets and then hope everything will be done by itself. I have to work hard to achieve the same. Realising the same I stop bloggin as of this moment and get back to my work ... Hope I would be able to deliver atleast some of my goals.
Adios!
As usual reached office at 12.15, took a print out of my goals that I had set, of the things I gotta do before 12th oct,2008... the day I would be putting my resignation papers down at my present office. I had always thought of the pros and cons but I never consider myself of having any market value with my present knowledge base. After reaching office I started reading PHP 5.X but just covering one article I started playing solitaire. It sucks big time but even that's a solace for me at the office to pass the bugging 8 hours .I was also listening to the songs of swadesh and suddenly the music player started playing "Pal Pal hai bhari". I was hearing that song after a long period but never ever thot of the meaning the song wanted to lay. And after hearing it for 9-10 times that if I want my dreams to come true than I am the only person responsible for it making them true. I just can't set my targets and then hope everything will be done by itself. I have to work hard to achieve the same. Realising the same I stop bloggin as of this moment and get back to my work ... Hope I would be able to deliver atleast some of my goals.
Adios!
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Long time no see
Ouch!! Was the last word that came to my mouth before writing this scrap. Was sleeping in office I fell off from my chair and it was like an embarrasing moment for me.So I rang up nak to tell him how embarrasing.But i was mesmorized again hearing his awesome ringtone. It was too lovely and was cute song...So here's the song lyrics...
Lonely I'm Mr.lonely
I have nobody for my owwnnn
I am so lonely Im Mr. Lonely
I have nobody
for my owwnnn I am so lonely,
Yo this one here goes out to all my playas out there man
ya know they got that one good girl dog that's always been there
man like took all the bullshit then one day she cant take it no more
and decides to leave ya
I woke up in the middle of the night
and I noticed my girl wasn't by my side, c
oulda sworn I was dreamin, for her
I was Feenin, so I hadda take a little ride,
back tracking ova these few years,
Tryin figure out wat I do to make it go bad,
cuz Ever since my girl left me
my whole life came crashin and
I'm so lonely (so lonely), Im Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody(ohhhhhhh)
(I have nobody) to call my own (to call my own)
girl I am so lonely (so lonely)
Im Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody(ohhhhhhhh) (I have nobody)
to call my own (to call my own) girl
I am so lonley ...
Artist: Akon (Lyrics copied from wowlyrics)
Hey nothing there to get worried cos I am still wid the same gal I loved and I am like a big 0 widout her so there's no way getting out of the relationship I am into.
Lonely I'm Mr.lonely
I have nobody for my owwnnn
I am so lonely Im Mr. Lonely
I have nobody
for my owwnnn I am so lonely,
Yo this one here goes out to all my playas out there man
ya know they got that one good girl dog that's always been there
man like took all the bullshit then one day she cant take it no more
and decides to leave ya
I woke up in the middle of the night
and I noticed my girl wasn't by my side, c
oulda sworn I was dreamin, for her
I was Feenin, so I hadda take a little ride,
back tracking ova these few years,
Tryin figure out wat I do to make it go bad,
cuz Ever since my girl left me
my whole life came crashin and
I'm so lonely (so lonely), Im Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody(ohhhhhhh)
(I have nobody) to call my own (to call my own)
girl I am so lonely (so lonely)
Im Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody(ohhhhhhhh) (I have nobody)
to call my own (to call my own) girl
I am so lonley ...
Artist: Akon (Lyrics copied from wowlyrics)
Hey nothing there to get worried cos I am still wid the same gal I loved and I am like a big 0 widout her so there's no way getting out of the relationship I am into.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Fighting back
Well it's like me saying to myself or rather my intellect saying to my heart LTNS but then everyone is not gifted to do all the things all the times.Its like going by the age old saying we can do somethings all the time but not all the things at some point of time.I mite have got that wrong even.
Last yr flew as if blink of the eyes.It saw a great transformation in.The old childish susant was lost somewhere out there in the crowd and a more mature,impatient susant was born.This susant was more boring and frustrated but he had to live wid it.He still remembered the days when he went to sleep after facing the early rays of the sun with a fag in his hand.Those lovely pals and those classes full of shit which he used to attend so that his attendence is not 0%.He was like used to do things all at the last moment.But gone are the days.He finally graduated gracefully and was ready to go up the ladder.He was full of enthusiasm and energy.But once out of the college,he was like lost in the crowd.The same things happened to him as if following the old rules that was reflected by amir's dialogue in RDB... Things went wrong somewhere and he was lost,lost in this vast world trying to fight for his own identity.He lost all battles to get back his identity.So finally it took 4 months of impatience waiting to gain a bit of lost ground.It was his chance of fighting the crowd to mark a difference and to make his own identiy.
So on oct 12th,2006 marked a spl day in his life and he joined a company.Though it was nowhere close to his dream company but atleast it gave him satisfaction that he will be happy joining it and in return he will get a identity of his own.31st oct was the best day in his life.That day marked the first earning of that guy.Though it was quite late as compared to his other friends but he was content.But as time passed and he successfully completed 3 months in his office widout much glitches and also marked and own identity of his own.He was atleast known in his corporate cirlce.Everyone used to relate his face either to a TT player or a smoker or as a bencher.But he was happy and that was the only thing that mattered to him.And as the early rays of the sun marked the beginning of the new yr he was ready to fight back again and to get back his lost identity.Now can he make up any difference is to be seen in near future but my heart says he can achieve anything he want.I believe him but no one knows destiny so me keeping my fingers crossed.
Forfeit the game Before somebody else Takes you out of the frame And puts your name to shame Cover up your face You can't run the race The pace is too fast You just won't last.(Courtesy:Linkin park)
Last yr flew as if blink of the eyes.It saw a great transformation in.The old childish susant was lost somewhere out there in the crowd and a more mature,impatient susant was born.This susant was more boring and frustrated but he had to live wid it.He still remembered the days when he went to sleep after facing the early rays of the sun with a fag in his hand.Those lovely pals and those classes full of shit which he used to attend so that his attendence is not 0%.He was like used to do things all at the last moment.But gone are the days.He finally graduated gracefully and was ready to go up the ladder.He was full of enthusiasm and energy.But once out of the college,he was like lost in the crowd.The same things happened to him as if following the old rules that was reflected by amir's dialogue in RDB... Things went wrong somewhere and he was lost,lost in this vast world trying to fight for his own identity.He lost all battles to get back his identity.So finally it took 4 months of impatience waiting to gain a bit of lost ground.It was his chance of fighting the crowd to mark a difference and to make his own identiy.
So on oct 12th,2006 marked a spl day in his life and he joined a company.Though it was nowhere close to his dream company but atleast it gave him satisfaction that he will be happy joining it and in return he will get a identity of his own.31st oct was the best day in his life.That day marked the first earning of that guy.Though it was quite late as compared to his other friends but he was content.But as time passed and he successfully completed 3 months in his office widout much glitches and also marked and own identity of his own.He was atleast known in his corporate cirlce.Everyone used to relate his face either to a TT player or a smoker or as a bencher.But he was happy and that was the only thing that mattered to him.And as the early rays of the sun marked the beginning of the new yr he was ready to fight back again and to get back his lost identity.Now can he make up any difference is to be seen in near future but my heart says he can achieve anything he want.I believe him but no one knows destiny so me keeping my fingers crossed.
Forfeit the game Before somebody else Takes you out of the frame And puts your name to shame Cover up your face You can't run the race The pace is too fast You just won't last.(Courtesy:Linkin park)
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
It's a free world!!!
Well this is not in resemblance to any of the free offers that are coming now a days for publicity. But at the rate they are doing this, a time will come when going to propose a gal , another gal will pop from the back of ur beloved gal and utter loudly " Ek ke saath ek free".If u love her u had to love me too!!!. Now this is a limit. Neways I wasn't scribbling her to comment neone's marketing style. Let it go and drop this idea.
It all started today with a great morning when I had a smoke right there on my bed, woke up to see that the house is a clean and nothing's disturbed from their own places. But just a look outside started a strom in my mind. I was having a turbulent session in my mind. I wondered abt the time I last viewed the sun rise or woke up early for that case. But it was too late and it had become an habit for me to woke by 10.00 at the minimum. i wud have been happy if i had fallen by my face on the ground the first time I woke late.
All kinds of wonderful thoughts were there in my mind but a look at the paper realised that this is not the free world it appears. Everything comes at a cost. We selected intellects to the govt and now they are ready to do nething to have their way out .If the union govt is trying to impend new clauses to the RTI act, the state govt of my native place is engaged in a economic war for the state(but is failing miserablly) and the govt of my adopted state is barring schools of help and public sports participation for not teaching regional language. Now this are some of the serious probs that need to be addresses. Right to education and right to speech are basic rights of every citizen as authorised by the constitution.But as this is not a free world so we have to compromise on everything and nothing comes to us even after a cost. So what the heck of calling ourselves a free citizen . The old adage holds true even now ... "We are free animals but bound by chains of tricked promises of the politicians"!!
You go ahead,You can get whatever you want.There's a feeling in my belly abt the new tomorrow scene.It's an interesting job tt's the fireworks.
But I don't need it, I really don't need it.I hit my head still I can't feel anything
I gave too much away,you came to say that this a free world and you gave too much away. I'm tired of this place and this stuff.So boys in bed, girls in bed,all now go to sleep.Sleep, sweet dreams.
Hope you wake to a new today tomorrow
It all started today with a great morning when I had a smoke right there on my bed, woke up to see that the house is a clean and nothing's disturbed from their own places. But just a look outside started a strom in my mind. I was having a turbulent session in my mind. I wondered abt the time I last viewed the sun rise or woke up early for that case. But it was too late and it had become an habit for me to woke by 10.00 at the minimum. i wud have been happy if i had fallen by my face on the ground the first time I woke late.
All kinds of wonderful thoughts were there in my mind but a look at the paper realised that this is not the free world it appears. Everything comes at a cost. We selected intellects to the govt and now they are ready to do nething to have their way out .If the union govt is trying to impend new clauses to the RTI act, the state govt of my native place is engaged in a economic war for the state(but is failing miserablly) and the govt of my adopted state is barring schools of help and public sports participation for not teaching regional language. Now this are some of the serious probs that need to be addresses. Right to education and right to speech are basic rights of every citizen as authorised by the constitution.But as this is not a free world so we have to compromise on everything and nothing comes to us even after a cost. So what the heck of calling ourselves a free citizen . The old adage holds true even now ... "We are free animals but bound by chains of tricked promises of the politicians"!!
You go ahead,You can get whatever you want.There's a feeling in my belly abt the new tomorrow scene.It's an interesting job tt's the fireworks.
But I don't need it, I really don't need it.I hit my head still I can't feel anything
I gave too much away,you came to say that this a free world and you gave too much away. I'm tired of this place and this stuff.So boys in bed, girls in bed,all now go to sleep.Sleep, sweet dreams.
Hope you wake to a new today tomorrow
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